I’ve always been afraid of responsibility.
Feeling tension between what the world seems to expect of me and what I deliver.
High achieving, linear processes, size six jeans, and my piece of the puzzle never seemed to fit. Not measuring up made me feel irresponsible and I began to disappear in narratives of unworthiness.
Recently I reimagined this gap and my insecurity as a disruption of the norm, protection against systems that say “Conform!”
Much of what I feel responsible for isn’t valued by capitalism, like motherhood and creativity.
Through motherhood I found my groove, aligned and connected in my own little system.
Through my creativity I found my voice.
Art making is how I practice response ability.
I respond to my inner critic, my inner child, and to my muse.
I respond with my breath, to the water, the ink, the wax, the wind, the conversation, the vulnerability, the womxn in the circle.
And when I’m in flow, moving color with my brush, and the world is humming along with my pumping blood, I belong.
I don’t know the quantum physics of this, but I feel one with the universe in this moment.
What if that’s being responsible?
And, what if that creative responsibility is what both you and the world have been waiting for?
In love and creativity,
Briah
